How Did They Meet? Part 2

Today I get to share the first “How did they meet?” story, and it’s mine!

What life stage were you in when you met your husband? I was 25, in the last months of a degree completion program, and working in my church office and youth ministry. Nearly all of my friends were already married, and all of the women (except for one) in my family had been married by 21, so I felt like an old maid!

Were you looking for a relationship? Oh yes. Looking, praying, longing.

How did you meet?

As I shared in my first post, I was not surrounded by eligible, single men. The adults in my church were 20+ years older than I was. I was in a degree completion program, and most of the people in my classes were older and/or married.

After talking to a classmate from my first two classes in the degree competition program (a few years older, but not married), he ghosted me. Pouf! Vanished. Stopped responding to calls or texts. Dropped out of the degree completion program. Gone. And with his departure, the number of single men in my degree program dropped to 0. If you’ve ever been ghosted, you know how painful and confusing it is. Let’s just say, I was a little scarred.

One day in church, my mom passed me a note saying an acquaintance had met her boyfriend on Christian Mingle. I responded with a note saying, “Don’t insult me!” In my mind, there were reasons people were on online dating sites. Reasons like social awkwardness, being unattractive, or poor hygiene. I did not want to put myself in those categories.

Eventually, I realized I wasn’t even in the proximity of eligible men. With that realization, and a good friend who was in a similar life stage and church/work environment and was online dating, I signed up for Christian Mingle.

My first round online yielded a guy whom my pastor and another pastor remembered as being married when they had met him at a church camp. After a month of talking to the other person I met on my first round online told me a girl he had almost dated the previous year had contacted him saying she was still interested. He didn’t know what to do because they had history and had known each other in person, but he and I were talking. He he decided to pick up his relationship with the other girl. I took a break from online dating after that.

When I joined again the next year, I was getting discouraged. I received some pretty strange messages.

I was feeling pretty sorry for myself by Valentine’s Day. I checked my notifications on Christian Mingle that night and braced myself as I opened a message with the subject: “Strange Request”. After all of the strange messages I had received, I was afraid to see what this new guy wanted.

The message was from a guy named Thad, and he said he thought I would be a good match for his roommate. After reading his profile, I thought he might be a good match for my friend who had online dated. I responded that I wouldn’t be opposed to talking to his friend, and with her permission, I shared my friend’s contact info. He called her a couple of times, and Thad and I were still emailing as I waited for him to connect me with his roommate who had been out of town when Thad first messaged.

A couple of weeks after his first message, he told my friend he was interested in someone else, and she asked if it was me. Being put on the spot, and not wanting to hurt my relationship with my friend, he lied and said it was someone in his hometown. A coupled of days later, he admitted to her that it was me he was interested in.

My friend told me about the plot twist, and I was perplexed. I had seen Thad as the friend of a prospect and the prospect of a friend. I didn’t know what I thought about him as a prospect for me! Then one night we instant messaged instead of emailing. We talked until 2AM. It was back and forth and back and forth, and so easy. I knew then I’d give him a chance.

His birthday was later that month, and the insecurities from past relationships (being ghosted and being dropped in favor of someone known in person) sprang up with a vengeance as he got together with friends that night. Not only was Thad not repelled by my clingy, insecure self, he called me. He reassured me he was not those other guys, and then he prayed for me. When the call ended, I knew I loved Thad.

We met in person for the first time four days later. It wasn’t the best first date. He nervously tried to impress me, but…it just came across awkwardly. Because he lived about two hours away, he stayed at a hotel after our date, and we met for breakfast the next day. After breakfast, he went with me to buy ingredients for cookies I had signed up to take to church. To my amazement, shopping with him did not feel awkward. I realized I was completely comfortable, and I knew I had found someone special.

The night before he proposed several months later, I discovered I had written my very first letter to the mystery man I would marry on Easter, when I was 15–exactly ten years to the day before we met in person for the first time. We got married a year to the day we had met in person for the first time, and that date also happened to be Easter.

We’ve been married for almost six and a half years now, and I’m still amazed by God’s goodness to me through a “strange request.”

How did you know he was the one? First it was his graciousness to me in my insecurities, then how natural it felt to be with him, and then when I saw his depth as we faced obstacles.

How long did you date before getting engaged? Seven months.

Was he what you were looking for or the type of person you saw yourself with?Haha! No. He’s goofy, he likes attention (he danced in the middle of Duncan Donuts on our first date), and he’s a drummer. But, he’s also kind, intelligent, funny, gentle, gracious, and loyal, and those were qualities I was looking for.

Faith, Life

How Did They Meet?

Who doesn’t love a good love story? Rom coms and romance novels are plentiful! Hallmark keeps pumping out movies with the same boy meets girl, relationship-nearly-falls-apart-because-of-a-misunderstanding-yet-ends-happily-ever-after plot line year after year—and we keep watching. Why? Because they capture what we all want: love and a happily ever after.

Never watched a Hallmark movie? Watch this parody!

Maybe you’ve found love and are living your happily ever after, and watching movies of others falling in love and finding what you have brings you joy. Maybe you’re still waiting, and watching rom coms or reading romance novels gives you hope—until the book or movie ends, and you’re left wondering, “When is it going to be my turn? And how do people meet?!”

I’m in camp living-my-happily-ever-after, but my days of waiting weren’t that long ago. I got married at age 26. If you’re not familiar with midwestern Christian culture, that was a good three to five years older than most of my friends were when they got married. Basically, I felt like I was sailing straight towards being an old maid.

I vividly remember wondering just how people met. Several people tried setting me up with their friends’ sons, grandsons, and other seemingly eligible young men. Every time, I would get hopeful. Every time, I would get disappointed. Either they rejected me within minutes of our introduction or conversation dragged.

Rejection stung and made me wonder what was wrong with me. Disappointment made me wish the matchmakers would quit trying. But…it wasn’t like I was surrounded by potential husbands. The church I worked at and attended was primarily comprised of people 25+ years older than I was, and I was in a degree completion program with married and/or older men.

How did people meet? And once they met, how did they decide they liked the other person enough to say “til death do us part”?

Whether you are still waiting or you are living your happily ever after, I’m excited to bring a new series of posts to you! The series is called How Did They Meet? I will be presenting several different answers to this question! I’ll share how my husband and I (finally) met, and how some of my friends met their husbands. I’m excited to hear their love stories, and I hope you follow along!

How Did They Meet? Part 2

Faith, Life

Dear Younger, Single Me

Dear Younger, Single Me,

I know what you’re feeling. I know the questions you have asked over, and over, and over. I know the ache, the loneliness, the fear, the doubts, and the longing.

You started praying for him at the ripe old age of 11. Over the years, you’ve prayed for him almost daily. Oh, how you’ve prayed. Prayed for his health, safety, wisdom, his work, and for God to bless him. You’ve prayed for his family to be prepared for you and you for them. You’ve prayed about his relationships—keep the other girls away! You’ve prayed, more times than you could count, that God will allow you to meet him soon. You’ve questioned why it’s taking so long. Is the delay punishment for your past mistakes? Will you ever get the chance to give him those letters you started writing him at the age of 15? With the passing years, there are a lot more of them than you ever imagined there would be. You made it through four years of Bible college between two schools, and you never got your “ring by spring.” Does he even exist?

Let me set your mind at ease: he does exist. Not only that, but God so graciously answered your prayers.

Life doesn’t look the way you dreamed it would, but you are, by far, happier than you had ever hoped. No, it’s not all sunshine and roses (although you do love it when he gives you flowers), but God knew just who you needed. He’s not who you would have pictured yourself with. He’s quirky and goofy, he does weird dances (even on your first date, in the middle of Dunkin’ Donuts), and…he’s a drummer. Oh, and he likes his cookies crunchy…If you knew him in his younger years, you probably would have disliked him and thought he was obnoxious. He’s mellowed with age, and through the trials you’ll go through, you’ll see his depth and the wisdom God gave him in answer to your prayers. You’ll balance each other out, and he will keep you laughing. You will be completely comfortable with him right away, just like you prayed for when you were 9 years old. God is good.

Until you finally meet (and that’s a story worth telling), please rest. Please, trust God and fully surrender to Him. You put so much energy into worrying, wondering, crying, and questioning, energy that could have been spent elsewhere. Rest, trust, and surrender.

Until you meet, take full advantage of your ample free time. You might feel busy and tired, but just wait until you have a one year old and a two year old! Dive deep into God’s Word. I know you dream of serving with your husband, but Paul was right. In 1 Corinthians 7:34 when he said, “An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband.” Take advantage of this time. Life gets busy, and while you won’t want to trade your husband or your babies for anything in this world, you will miss your ability to spend hours in the Word and in prayer.

Until you meet, be content and be confident. You feel inferior and like you don’t quite fit in with married women. Being married doesn’t change who you are. It doesn’t make you feel any differently. Once you’re married, you won’t view singles as inferior or as though they don’t belong. Don’t wait impatiently until you’re married and finally belong. Be confident and content now.

Life goes so quickly, please don’t wish today away. God is faithful and so gracious to you, and you know you can trust Him, so do it.


Older, Married You