Faith

Conversation of Generations

When I’m at home, one of the best parts about my grandparents coming to visit is what happens at least one time while they are there. At some point during their visit, my mom, my grandma, and I will all end up in my room. Away from my younger siblings and the male members of the family, the three of us talk.
During my time home for Christmas, my mom and my grandma came to my room. My mom sat in my golden colored chair that sits by my window, and my grandma reclined on my bed with me.

I cannot remember how the conversation came up, but someone started talking about my great-great-aunt Jean. She died less than ten years ago, and I hadn’t known her well. I knew her as my grandma’s aunt who didn’t have any children of  of her own, and who had crocheted or sewed a blanket for each baby born into our family. She and her husband Louis spent large portions of their days just driving around Hastings, and I never really knew why.  Jean and Louis’ house always smelled like the dog she treated like a child and the cigarettes she refused to quit smoking even when the doctor had warned her it would kill her. Mostly, it just smelled like cigarettes.

Either my grandma or my mom began telling a story that I had never heard. It was a story that I would have expected to have been in a book or a movie. It was definitely not something I would have ever imagined happening in real life, and especially not to someone in my family.

The story my grandma told was about Jean and her first husband. I had never known Jean had been married before she married Louis. My mom said her first husband’s name was Clifford Peck. My grandma disagreed and claimed she had never heard that name before in her life. My mom insisted that was his name, and my grandma called my great grandma.

“What was Jean’s first husband’s name?” My grandma asked before even saying hello.

“Clifford Peck.” My great grandma said, instantly.

My grandma merely said, “Thank you. Goodbye,” and then hung up. My great-grandma’s short term memory is slowly going, but she is able to remember the long term things.

My mom and grandma told me that Jean married Clifford, who was in the military. When they were married they moved to New York and lived when his grandma. After they had been married for only a short time, Jean found out that Clifford was already married to someone else! Jean’s parents either sent money to her to travel back to Nebraska, or they went all the way to New York from Nebraska to bring her home.

I was shocked that a story like that one existed , and in my own family! I knew I had to write about it some day.

When I visited my great-grandma during spring break, I was able to find out a little bit more about Clifford Peck. I learned that he was called Kipp, the name my grandma knew of him by. He had been in the millitary, and my family had not really known Kipp before he and Jean were married. My great-grandma hadn’t been fond of him and thought he was a know-it-all.

I couldn’t imagine what Jean had gone through, and wished that after such a shocking and sad experience, there could have been a happy ending. I will never forget Jean; her memory is scattered all through the family in the form of baby blankets.

Faith

“…much studying wears you out.”

Friday is the last day of classes before spring break, and I am more than ready to have a time to rest! I’ve been much busier than usual since last Friday, because my RA has been on a missions trip to Marti Gras. Before she left, asked me if I would be willing to be responsible for the hall in her absence. I agreed, and she told the other girls that if they had any problems, they could come to the RDA on our hall or to me. Since she has been gone, there have been a few girls who have needed someone to talk to. The additional time spent listening has, unfortunately, taken away from the time I needed to spend reading and working on my PR for Synoptic Gospels. Now, I have less time before papers, books, and reports are due, and it’s caused me a little bit of stress. Ecclesiastes 12:12 has shown to be very truthful; it says, “…be careful, for writing books is endless, and much study wears you out.” After the past week, I cannot wait to be home!

Last spring break had a very memorable start for me. I had gotten a late start packing and ended up leaving the school later than I had planned. I went to the gas station at the corner of Grant and Norton to fill my tank. Knowing that I was leaving later than I should have, I checked the time on my cell phone before getting out of my car, so that I could calculate the time at which I would arrive home. My timing could have been better, but it wasn’t horrible.
After the gas had been replenished, I went to get into my car, and…I found that I had locked my keys and my cell phone inside. I left my car next to the pump and walked back to campus. Thankfully there was someone walking into the dorm at the same time I was, because my proxy was also locked inside my car. I found one of the RA’s and was let into my room so that I could look for my spare car key. I looked for a few minutes before coming to the realization that my spare key was not in my room. The RA relocked my room, and I walked up a flight of stairs to a friend’s room. I borrowed my friend’s phone and called my mom who suggested that I should call my grandparents for the warranty information, because my grandpa had worked at the car lot that I had purchased my car and warranty from.
My grandpa didn’t have the warranty information, so he said he would find it and call me back. While waiting for his phone call, my friend and I walked back over to my car and were met by my friend’s friend, I’ll call him Chris, who had gotten car unlocking tools from the school. When I had received the phone number for my grandpa, I called the warranty company and was told someone would be out shortly. Chris attempted to unlock my door but was unsuccessful, so we waited for the locksmith in his car.
When the locksmith arrived at the gas station, he got out of his truck and then placed a phone call while standing next to his truck. Chris walked over to him, and the locksmith told him that he had forgotten the tool he needed and would have to go back to get it. Chris showed him the tool he had brought from the school. Surprisingly it was the exact same tool that the locksmith had forgotten! In a matter of minutes, my car door was unlocked, and I was able to drive home.
As frustrating and embarrassing as the situation was, I could not help being thankful that I had locked my keys in my car across the street from the school and not in St. Joseph! I was also very thankful I had read my warranty information and knew the locksmith’s charge would be covered by my warranty! I leave for 
home on Friday, and I am hoping and praying that I my journey lacks any incidents!
Faith

The matter of time has really been on my mind the last few days. Over the weekend I was again made aware of the changes that time brings to families and life in general. My family went to visit my grandparents last weekend for my youngest brother’s birthday. When I was younger my family was always able to travel together; however, since my siblings and I have gotten older, one of us usually have had to stay at home because of work or school. During their last trip, only three out of the six kids were able to visit my grandparents. This is just evidence of the inevitable change that time brings. Within the next ten years, it would not be surprising if even my youngest brother was living away from home. The knowledge that things will never be the same is very saddening to me.

Time is one of the few things we can never earn more of. The amount of time that we are given is without the option for increase, we are merely able to choose how we use our time. Do we waste our time or do we take full advantage of the time we have?

I will admit, I frequently use my time poorly on insignificant things. At the end of my life, or even five years from now is it really going to matter whose Facebook status I read, or what strange article on Yahoo I allowed to consume my attention for a few moments? I don’t think so. In the years to come, I am fairly certain that the things that will be the most important to me are my relationship with God, and my time spent with my family.

It’s so easy, especially while I am at CBC, to become too “busy” to spend personal time with God. My studies are primarily Biblical, there’s prayer before every class, I attend chapel every day, and church on Sundays. My schedule is filled with a focus on God and His Word, but there is a problem if I allow my time with God to remain on the “required” level and never bring my focus to a personal level. If the time spent with God is only a requirement, not only will I not have a true relationship with God, but as soon as the requirement is gone, where does my time with God go?

Psalm 90:12 (NLT) says, “Teach us to make the most of our time, so that we may grow in wisdom.” Without making the most of my time and setting aside personal time with God, my wisdom might increase, but it wouldn’t grow. I’m convinced that it is imperative for me to use my time more wisely so that I don’t feel too busy to spend time with my Heavenly Father who always loves for me to give my time to Him.

Faith

Wrestling

Lately I’ve been wrestling. I don’t mean physically wrestling; rather I’ve been wrestling emotionally, intellectually, and yes, spiritually. I have a knowledge in my head that should be in my heart, but there’s a war within preventing this knowledge from fully becoming a reality in my heart. The absence of this knowledge, other than in my head, has an awful consequence, because a lie fills its place. The knowledge is trust, and worry is the lie. Yes, I have been wrestling with worry, an all too familiar foe. I seem to have wrestled with worry and its companion, fear, for several years, likely all my life. It comes in different forms, but it always tries to take the place of trust in God. Throughout my 22 years I’ve had numerous opportunities to see the futility of trading trust for worry. Yet, I keep allowing worry inside my heart, beginning the struggle between what I know and what I see. 
The most recent form that worry has taken mocks my Heavenly Father’s ability to provide and His loving knowledge of my needs. Its latest lies tell me my student loans are too big and that my chances of ever getting married are getting slimmer with each passing year. I know both of these to be obvious lies because I know my God provides all that I need, whether financially or relationally. I’ve seen Him take me from being jobless, to having two part-time jobs, and then within a month, having two full-time job offers. I have seen Him open doors and provide financially. Yet, for some reason, I trust the things worry points out, rather than what I’ve actually seen. Instead of dwelling on the promises from my Heavenly Father, I allow myself to focus on the lies of worry. From a logical point of view, it’s ridiculous. I have the promise of provision from the God who created the universe, the God who I trust to forgive me and save me, and I dare to allow worry and fear to enter my heart and take the place of trust and faith.
Worry seems to be caused by two improper perspectives or areas of focus. The first focus that needs to change is my focus on my problems instead of my problems. Compared to God, my problems are so small. The things that are closest to my eyes are the things that naturally appear the largest. By worrying, what am I allowing to be closest to me, God or my problems?

The second focus in need of a shift is my focus on my future instead of my past. This may sound completely contrary to what we always hear. We’re told not to dwell on our pasts, but in matters of provision, I believe it’s better to focus on the past. When we focus on the future, we can only see uncertainty. If we look at our pasts, we can see what God has already done. His promise, combined with past provision can fill us with hope for our uncertain futures. Psalm 107:43 says, “Those who are wise will take this to heart, they will see in our history the faithful love of the Lord.”When our lives, the things we are facing right now, are reviewed and remembered years from now, God’s faithful love will be seen. When I remember the things I’ve seen in my past, my personal history, it’s obvious that my Father is faithful, even when I am faithless. So I will continue this struggle, now armed with hope and the memory of what I’ve seen.

Faith

Joy to the World!

Have you ever given much thought to joy? I’ll be honest, I hadn’t really until this summer. It seems that as I grow, I recognize how little I really know, and how much there is for me to learn. I recently thought about joy for a little while, and I concluded that it would be amazing to be joyful no matter what. It’s easy to be joyful when everything seems to be going well. I was feeling like things were grand this weekend; work went well on Friday, and I got paid. That night I got to talk to a friend on the phone, and it made my day. Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends and it’s great to get texts, emails, and facebook messages, but actually talking on the phone just puts a smile on my face! (Thanks for the phone call, Rachel!) Then on Saturday I got to go fabric shopping with my mom. Apart from the eye injury from the lovely bolt of fabric that decided to fall on me when I reached for the bolt next to it, shopping was great! I found fabric that I love for dorm room curtains! Sunday I went to church, and then I spent most of the day crocheting a blanket that matches the curtain fabric really well. It’s easy to be joyful on days like those!
Then there are other days…days that I just feel like crying because work was stressful and exhausting, or something happens to make me feel insignificant;  it can be very difficult to be joyful those days. Somewhere during this summer, I’ve realized that whether or not I am joyful really comes down to where my joy comes from.
I can find joy in things like phone calls from friends, successful shopping trips, paychecks, and good work days, but those things are temporal. When there are no phone calls, shopping trips, paychecks, or good days at work, what becomes of the joy found in those things?  It vanishes.  I’ve come to realize just how important it is for my joy to be found in the Lord. This world is constantly changing–even the most monotonous day isn’t identical to any other day. If joy is mostly found in earthly things, it’s reasonable to say that joy would be up and down like a roller coaster. However, God is constantly the same.  Joy found in Him will remain, even when everything seems to be going terribly wrong.
In God, we find a reason for joy no matter what we face. His mind-boggling love for us is cause enough for us to be joyful. Psalm 31:7 says, “I am overcome with joy because of your unfailing love, for you have seen my troubles, and you care about the anguish of my soul.” Because He loves us, we can be confident that no matter what comes our way, He is sovereign and cares about the things we’re facing.
What is the source of your joy? Does your joy come from the temporary things or from God who is unchanging?
“…All who seek the Lord will praise Him. Their hearts will rejoice with everlasting joy.” Psalm 22:26