Oh, for grace to trust Him more!

Do worry, fear, and stress come all too naturally to you? They do to me. There’s stress about all that needs done, and worry and fear about the future and the unknown. These things try to weigh on me and to rob me of peace, joy, and hope.

As my husband and I drove back from the airport after our honeymoon, rather than being filled with joy and being excited to get to our home, I was filled with dread and became stressed. Why? Because there was somuch to do. Life had flown by after we had moved my things out of my apartment and into his house, and so things remained in boxes. Wedding gifts combined with my things had created a mess that made walking in the house a daring endeavor. I needed to clean, line shelves, wash our new dishes, and unpack my things. There was so much to do and it made me want to cry! Shortly after having confessed my stress and dread to him, my husband said, “Maybe you can go grocery shopping tomorrow.” Had he seen the kitchen?! Did he think there was room for even one more thing? Wouldn’t one more thing cause the floor to cave in or some other disaster? Yes, I needed to go grocery shopping, but so much was needed before it was possible. We drove on, and I sat texting my mom about my many woes. She said, “I know [you’re] overwhelmed, but trust me, it’ll be okay.”

We got to the house, and as my husband opened the door ahead of me, all he said was, “What….?” I looked to see what was causing the confusion. His table had been replaced by mine, and it had flowers and a bowl of fruit on it. As we ventured in, we saw the boxes had all been moved, the living room had been arranged, my bookcases had been filled with decorations, there were vases of fresh flowers everywhere, and the toilet paper had even been folded to a point! My in-laws had spent hours and hours getting the house ready for our homecoming. I wanted to cry tears of gratitude and joy. 

Before                                                       After How’s this for transparency?

After all my stress and dread, the house was already orderly and inviting. My mom had already known about it.

So many of our worries end up being pointless and far from reality. I’ve seen this many times in my life.

For years, I wanted one thing: a husband. I got older and watched as more and more of my friends got married and started having children. Meanwhile, I was still single. Datelessly single. What was wrong with me? What was taking so long? Where was myhusband? Did he even exist? Would I end up alone? I was no stranger to crying. My prayer journal was filled with my request for a husband, prayers about the kind of man he would be, prayers for God to bless him and his family, prayers that our families would be prepared for each of us and that they would love us, and questions of timing and his existence. As more time passed, I began to feel desolate and hopeless. One night I heard from God about it. Not in an audible voice, but in a voice that was crystal clear in my heart, He said, “You are not desolate. I see your pain. I know your longing. You can take me at my word. Trust that I have provided.” Another time, He said, “I know what you need and when you need it. I know who you need and when you need him.”

Even having heard from God, I still had dark days. I still had days of doubt and days of heartache. Trusting God when what I see differs from the truth God has spoken is challenging. Walking by faith and not by sight isn’t easy.

However, on Valentine’s Day, I received a message from a man I would grow to love and greatly admire. On March 27^th, we met in person for the first time, and we were married exactly one year later. My husband and his family are such beautiful answers to a decade of prayers. They are kind, loving, generous, and I have felt at home with them from the beginning.

God had a plan and a time all along. My worry and despair added nothing—instead they only robbed me of a peaceful trust in God’s loving hand and a hopeful, joyous expectation in what He had in store.

Trust God. He is faithful, aware of your needs and longings, and He is a loving Father who knows how to give good gifts to His children.